allison wonderland


"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

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Location: Ontario, Canada

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I can't stop eating

I know it's related to stress. My work, my voice, the heat; all are combined to make me a cranky customer. I am trying desperately to stay away from the peanut butter and saltine crackers that are calling to me from the cupboard. I am at the top of my acceptable weight right now and I will not go over it, damn it all!!

I just consumed a bowl of Mushroom Egg Drop soup, four cheese sticks and a pepperoni stick. Okay, I am not hungry anymore, but I feel like I am obsessing about food. Blarg.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

A prayer

Tomorrow it is projected to be 31 degrees Celsius (that's 88 for those of you in Farenheitland). I am expected to keep an entire class of 12 year-olds engaged from 8:30-2:30.

Help.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Why reality TV is pissing me off

Okay, I admit it, I am completely addicted to reality TV. Survivor, America's Next Top Model, The Amazing Race, The Apprentice, even American Idol. I have watched them all this season. And you know what?

The best people aren't winning.

Except maybe the Hippies. Go, Hippies, Go!!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Of hobbits and musical theatre

Last night we saw The Lord of Rings on stage. I will confess that, when this production was first announced, I was dismayed. Even Peter Jackson couldn't consolidate all of the events of Middle Earth into three epic films with massive special effects, how could the producers meld it into a single stage production?

Well, the answer is: they can't. In order to fit Tolkien's epic trilogy into 3 1/2 hours, the creators have slashed plot and backstory to the extent it will be largely incomprehensible to anyone not familiar with the story. The truncated results lacks nearly all of the emotional power of either the source material or the Jackson films. Which is unfortunate, because despite the drastic editing, I realized as I watched that it didn't have to be so mundane. In many ways LOTR cries out to be set to music. Effective musical theatre takes the key moments of a story and enhances their impact by adding music. Throughout the evening, I saw countless opportunities to do exactly that. Unfortunately, the music in LOTR rarely takes its audience to the next level, often merely framing a scene that remains firmly rooted to the earth when it should soar.

The problem seems rooted in the producers' inability to decide how or when to use music to good effect. At times, it seemed as if they had just chosen to set Tolkien's songs to music, a decision that would have good effects in a less-edited version, or use music as background to the dramatic action. The problem with the music as scoring is that there is no true depth to the script, and the creators seem to be relying on the music to create depth and emotion without any underpinnings to support it. At others, songs seemed rooted in musical theatre tradition, for example, a "rousing" dance numbe in the Prancing Pony. Unfortuately, with one major exception, neither approach satisfied and opportunities to use music to its best effect were wasted.

The best example I can offer comes in the first act, at The Council at Rivendell. This whole scene cries out to be sung, with debate ringing through musical counterpoint until Frodo's words "I will take the ring to Mordor. Though I do not know the way."--spoken, of course-- result in each member of the Fellowship joining the journey in song to a glorious finish. Instead, the scene is largely spoken over dramatic music and remains flat and uninspiring.

The one moment in the show that actually has any emotional connection is Frodo's and Sam's song in the heart of Mordor "Now and For Always". The song, reminiscing about the Shire frames not only Frodo and Sam's bond, it links to Gollum as he struggles with the memory of Smeagol and his inner conflict. It is a lovely example of what could have been.

The visuals are stunning, but the weakness of the production kept me overly aware of the technology behind it. I never found myself swept away. In fact, the elaborate hydraulic stage pieces had me frequently worrying about the actors, while the revolving stage and lights made me slightly nauseous at times. The only effect that I found truly effective were the Black Riders, a combination of puppetry and stiltwork that worked brilliantly.

With a few exceptions, the acting was merely so-so. Michael Therrault as Gollum absolutely nailed his performance, creating a Gollum that was creepy, funny and pathetic all at the same time. He effectively erased any comparision to Andy Serkis's computer generated characterization and made the character his own. The weakest performance, by far, came from Brent Carver as Gandalf. His high-pitched voice and meandering line readings made Gandalf seem more like a doddering old fool than a wizard of hidden power and strength. I commented to my friend that, I never expected to see a version of LOTR where I was unhappy to see Gandalf's return.

Other things I liked: most of the second act, the Orcs with their springy shoes, the Ents, Saruman and the inclusion of Galadriel's gifts. Other failures included a Space Diva-styled Galadriel, a pathetic Mount Doom sequence, a hastily inserted (and never explained) Eowyn and the Scouring of the Shire.

I went with lowered expectations, but even so, I was disappointed.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hooray!

My good friend, Carl, is arriving by train tonight at Union Station in Toronto where I am picking him up. This is a long over-due visit from one of my San Francisco friends. (Yes, I am hinting to the rest of you!! Including family...) He was supposed to arrive at 7:45, but his train was delayed for over two hours in Ithaca, New York. So much for the glamour of railway travel. His late arrival will most likely put the kibosh on my evil plan of SUSHI at Japango, but I hope to remedy that tomorrow evening.

Tomorrow I am playing hooky from work and we are doing the TO tourist thang: driving through Queen's Park, ogling (and perhaps ascending) the CN tower, driving along the waterfront and, most likely, going to the Royal Ontario Museum, which is known around these parts as the ROM. Or maybe the Bata Shoe Museum; I dunno exactly how Carl might feel about a museum dedicated to the wonder that is SHOES.

And Friday night, we are going to see LOTR:the Musical.

Yes, it's true, it took a gay friend from San Francisco to get me to go see the theatrical event of the Toronto season. I am so ashamed.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Analyze this

Recently I have been having a recurring dream where my wallet is stolen. It is always due to some act of carelessness of mine; leaving it out or walking away from my purse in a crowded store or restaurant. I return and the wallet is gone. Or empty.

So, I wonder what is really on my mind?

Saturday, May 06, 2006

*crickets*

It sure is quiet around here.

Being silent has been an interesting experience. I have slipped up a couple of times, but I am very proud of how well I am doing. It is frustrating to have to write or type when I want to tell Grant something; last night was particularly maddening, because communicating at one point was time sensitive, and I didn't manage to meet the deadline. I got very upset and made some growling noises that were just as bad (if not worse) than actual talking.

Watching television is hard. I never realized how often Grant and I freeze the program to discuss our various theories about 24, Lost and CSI. And reality TV loses a lot of its allure when you can't bitch at the television screen. Finally, it's really hard not talking to the animals. I am in the habit of carrying on one-sided conversations with them all day long. The biggest slipup I made was when I starting talking to the cat and the dog as I bussed my dinner dish. Grant suddenly exclaimed "You're talking!" and I gasped and shut up right away. Oops.

I dreamt last night that I kept accidentally talking and then immediately stopping. I guess I have sunk the concept of silence deep into my psyche. Here's hoping I can achieve perfect silence today.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Loss of self

I can't sing anymore.

As I have mentioned on and off since November, I have chronic laryngitis. Laryngitis is a common ailment among teachers: the challenge of getting and keeping the attention of over 20 students often leads to vocal stress. But since Novemeber, I haven't been able to speak without hoarseness. I finally got in to see a specialist, who confirmed that I have microscopic nodules on my vocal cords. Who knew such tiny bumps could cause such problems?

Well. I did. Kind of. I had vocal nodules back in university, when I was a vocal major. I did vocal therapy with my voice teacher, got better and rarely gave it much thought. Even then, I could still vocalize, albeit with a breathy sound that my university voice jury found unattractive.

But this time, I cannot sing. Maybe a bit in the lower registers. But when I try to move up the scale, my voice simply shorts out. No sound. Nada. No matter how hard I try to support properly and do it right.

I never realized how much singing makes me who I am. I have always vocalized constantly, whether singing to myself, singing with the radio or CD or in actual performance. I think of myself, as my true self, as a singer. And now I am a singer who cannot sing.

My specialist has sent me to a speech pathologist, who laid down the law to me about what I need to do in my work and in my private life. She was tough and sympathetic and told me exactly what I need to hear. We can make this better, but I have to be completely serious about doing what I need to do in order to heal my voice. So, today, I am off work. I am to maintain absolute silence until Monday morning. No talking, whispering, or vocalizing of any kind for 80 hours. Then we shall see what rest has done to restore my voice.

First we heal, then we fix the things that created this problem in the first place. And if I work hard, I might just find myself again.